Xpat

June 16, 2017 in article, featured, Uncategorized

If you live in the Philippines, my former country, and then you say, expats, it means – a person having a good life abroad. Expat is a person who has a good life, precious life outside the country. Making easy money, no need to think about so much government corruption, red tape and so on.

Let me tell you something. I don’t want to say that I love to live in Philippines for the rest of my life. This country gave so much pain and bad memories the reason I told myself; ”I will never go back again to Philippines… anymore”, and to be honest I will rather die in out space, than die on my own country.

I think, well I’m sure about that; this thought brought me to fine-tune, and integrate to Danish society. I found living in Denmark was peaceful.

I love the “Hygge”(cozy) thing; I love the crime “free” country, or should I say “less crime country” Which means even if I get naked outside our house no one will going to rape me or take advantage on me.

Life went well. I got four educations in Denmark; for free with salary. I needed to be thankful for that opportunity and in return I needed to integrate myself to their culture.

It wasn’t bad to eat rugbrød (brown bread) on my lunch. I’d learned to be conscious about all the things that is happening about the country, which means I needed to update myself to politics, current news and so on so I could adapt to everyday conversation with the Danes everyday.

Things went well. I could say that I talked and think as a Danes. I dreamt about Denmark and spoke in Danish, on my dreams.. Perfectly!

I ate what the Danish do eat. I could bake the Danish cookies in every Christmas. I speak, I ought to speak, either Jutland dialect or a normal Danish language.

But after 10 years leaving in Denmark and to be integrated to Danish society, I found myself lost on my journey. I lost my personality; my whole self.

I became somebody who was not really me; how can I say that? I made a fake personality in order to adapt to the new life ahead of me.

I made a new identity that I couldn’t even I identify myself. I should be like any body else who could expose themselves like who they are. I found myself like a copycat or a fake Danish who tried to be like them but I am actually not like them.

I am / was built by my upbringing as a Filipina woman who lived in a province of Laguna, Who’d came from not so normal family lifestyle. Went to college and made a precious memory out it. I became what I was, until I got integrated to a culture where I never conscious about my actions.

There’s nothing about integrating to the another culture. There is no problem of adjusting to a new culture so you could fit to the society. But my point is;  we, need to remember to leave something for ourselves. We need to maintain who we are, or else we’re going to get lost on this life; feel emptied, unhappy and unfulfilled; even though you get tons of accomplishments.

Imagine that; I stopped listening to filippino music and watching filippino movies because I’d prefer to watch Danish movies. I rather eat Danish foods even thought I was craving for filippino delicacies and street foods.

Look at me now. Well, you could see me like as an Asian woman; but totally lost her personality. You could speak to me in Filippino, English or Danish but I cant actually tell you what language I prefer to use.

Invite me to eat dinner and I cant tell you whether I want to eat Danish, German, American, european or Filipino food. I can’t say really what I really want because I set my mind that I needed to adjust myself to what do the environment demanded me.

Can you get my point? That no matter how we love to live on another land. No matter how much we want to explore this life. We need to set limit to ourselves. We need to leave something for ourselves, because we will never be happy on this existence if we loose something about ourselves.

 

Suzette Lyn

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